My, My How Time Flies . . .

Sooo, I've not posted to this blog since mid-October which really only tells you how incredibly full my life has been lately. I've been trying to soak everything in as these days go by and although it becomes tiring, I wish I could do it forever. To spill my heart out here - I've never felt more like myself than I do at this juncture in my life. I love my age, my situation, my family, my friends, my academics (even though I'm not too crazy about these classes out here) and my social life. I've grown so much as a person since this experience began just two and a half months ago. I never would have thought, though, I would be so completely in love with this place. It has a complete personality of its own and I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to experience this. My heart hurts to know that I'll never be in the position again - that I'll never be here, with these people, living on my own as a student in Colchester - that when I leave, I'll leave behind the friends I've made and the life I've started to build out here. But it also feels good to know that I'll soon be with my family, at home and at ease in my home country. My head is spinning with all it's trying to consume.

I can't possibly summarize my experience this term in England. I'm glad I didn't try. It's been wonderful, horrible, irresistable, spontaneous, alluring and painful all at once. I've done so much I thought I'd never do and I've realized what a strong person I am. I was half broken before I came here. I was worn with the strain of school, family pressures, relationship problems, confusion in general. After being here and being on my own, however, I have been able to get myself back to that place in life where I am proud of who I am and what I'm doing. I don't want to think about the future at this point because it hurts to know that my time here is coming to an end and I might never be able to feel the way I do at this moment. But, I do want to reflect on my time here so as to remember all those intricate little details that have a habit of slipping through our fingers based on our imperfect memories. I don't want to forget my 3am visits to flat 3 or my awkward encounters in flat 11 or my nights on flat 5. I don't want to forget about the way it felt to get ready before a big night out or after a Friday in town to prepare for Flirt. I don't want to forget the excitement of meeting new people, drinking with new friends or those unexpected talks in the flat kitchen that last until 7am. The only way I can think to pick up on those little things is to write down Facebook statuses and free-associate my memories before they fade. Here's a record of some of my thoughts - some may only trigger memories for me, but others show just how attached I've become to these people, this place, my life, my second home in Colchester:


Family, girlfriends and gay friends - the only known treatment for an aching heart . . . MILK IT TONIGHT!!! I'm feeling default pic #2 . . .
October 26th, 2009


Not sure of the game plan tonight but I'm thinkin I need some rest - I'm feeling really homesick :(
October 27th, 2009


Rest tonight - birthday weekend starts tomorrow with oscillate :) I'd really like to forget my life right nowwwwww = drinkage :)
October 28th, 2009


I'VE FINALLY GOT MY VOICE BACK!!!! I can sing again! oo-ah-oo-ah! Oscillate tonight :)
October 29th, 2009


OMG IM 22!!!
October 30th, 2009


has a permanent Charlie Horse from last night in my right calf . . . ouch.
October 31st, 2009


Needs rest for another quality week with the crew . . . Sexy Penny's tomorrow, Unite Tuesday, Colchester Thursday, Flirt! Friday ♥
November 1st, 2009


Just call me awkward from now on . . . k thanks.
November 2nd, 2009


attitude is my middle name . . . :P
November 2nd, 2009


bought my first ever little black dress . . . screw commando, I'm wearing it on Friday ;) Bed time . . . . finally ♥
November 3rd, 2009


I'M SO COLD!!!!!!
November 4th, 2009


I'm much warmer now :P
November 5th, 2009


there's something therapeutic about throwing your hair around and dancing . . . Sub Zero tonight :* xx
November 6th, 2009


my outfit is inspired by B. Davis tonight :) Holloways tonight at SubZero . . . when did I become such a party animal? :P
November 7th, 2009


has a new obsession with the Kings of Leon lead singer . . . uhhhhhhhh . . . "yahhhhh, ohhhh, your sex is on fire" uhhhhhhh -- watch the video :P
November 8th, 2009


Just watched two episodes of Sex and the City :) I needed a night in to relaxxxxxx
November 11th, 2009


Girls' Night Out has been declared . . . officially :P
November 12th, 2009


Day out with flat 3 = major success! Saw a match at Wembley and then onto Oxford Circus . . . I love England :P
November 14th, 2009


sometimes you just need a peanut butter and jelly sandwich . . .
November 16th, 2009


midnight pillow fight . . . sounds like a Mary-Kate and Ashley "you're invited" movie :P LOVE IT!
November 17th, 2009


ouch.
November 19th, 2009


is not photogenic . . . I hope no one ever tags another picture of me :P
November 19th, 2009


I never had so much fun on a Thursday night :P Thanks to Jess and Sharna for total inebriation . . .
November 20th, 2009


has had an interesting day, let's just leave it at that.
November 21st, 2009


is cold and hurtin . . . I'm finding any distraction to keep me from this essay :P Ohhhh Descartes . . .
November 22nd, 2009


turned in a paper today and it's time to celebrate . . . at least until I start the next one :P Sexy Pennies tonight xx
November 23rd, 2009


loves her nights out with K. Thrilla! Katie Kregor is my soul mate.
November 24th, 2009


I think New Moon would put any woman in the mood -- uhhhhh Taylor Lautner -- to quote Aiden, "for abs like that I'd touch children," meaning I don't care if he's 17, I'd hit that.
November 24th, 2009


Is off to Amsterdam! Happy Thanksgiving everybody!
November 26th, 2009


Is back at Essex! Less than 3 weeks until I go home! Soo many mixed feelings about this :s
December 1st, 2009


has sworn off boys . . . bring on the men :P
December 2nd, 2009


2 weeks . . . time is flying . . .
December 7th, 2009


is writing a paper so, naturally, I'm on Facebook.
December 8th, 2009


can't stop thinking about how much she's gonna miss this place :( SCREW THE ATLANTIC OCEAN
December 8th, 2009


"Life is both sad and solemn. We are let into a wonderful world, we meet one another here, greet each other - and wander together for a brief moment. Then we lose each other and disappear as suddenly and unreasonably as we arrived." my heart is bleeding -- i don't want my life to change . . . I wish it could just stay still at this point
December 8th, 2009

This might be the only blog post I can muster out of me before I return home. It's too painful to think about all I'm leaving behind. The people here have completely made this experience what it has been and I am more grateful to them than most of them know. And I am grateful to my family for letting me go for the past almost 3 months. And for the hardship they'll probably endure when I get back. The transition back is going to be just as unpretty as getting me to leave home in the first place . . .

Who would have thought that "Don't Forget to Remember Me" would apply to my family here at Essex . . .